So I started up my work out again. The doctor has lifted all restrictions. I have been working out my shoulder and doing the bike randomly but I am back on schedule like I was before my surgery. I have no idea what button I hit to change the font but it will stay that way because I do not know how to change it back.
Today I used the resistance band which is really more for rebuilding my shoulder muscle. I did 20 minutes of cardio on the bike and went for my Tuesday lottery ticket walk down to Larry’s 2.
I am a wreck. Sore is an understatement. I really think the no restrictions is foolish as my shoulder is sore as hell and I didn’t even really push it to the limit and still didn’t lift but focused on my cardio.
In any event I have been disappointed in my dieting as of late, yes I fucked up but now I am mentally back. I have been in a dark place as of late. I think it is because of the season change, the constant rain, lost love. I dunno all excuses but no reasons. My pain has been so great I have thought of ending my life but it is nothing but that a thought. I could never, ever hurt the people around me that way so I will wait for them to die first 
.
I reckon I need to stay on track and continue on that track. Emotionally I am okay today. My mood swings have been great as of late and I need to stay calm more. One of the biggest problems I have is that I tend to fall in love with the wrong people. Whether it be a “bad boy” a “user” or people who have no interest in me sexually, physically or mentally I always miss the target. But meh someday he will darken my doorway with his shadow and I will either get killed or smile, we will see. Until that time comes we will just say, till then.
Love,
Matt
