Mattlosesweight's Blog

The return version 2…or 3 8/18/2011

mattlosesweight — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 16:00:43 +0000

So yesterday I woke up and had enough. My rooms were a disaster. Clutter was everywhere. Laundry, clean not dirty was everywhere. I have to much shit. My best friend Chris felt I wasn’t going out like I used to including little errands that I would purposely run just to get out and move. I lost all motivation and while I sit here and type this I have no idea why.

So I got off my ass and put my shit away and threw a bunch of shit away including a DVD player because I have 3…yes one is portable but it can be hooked up to play on TV. Over the spring I got rid of 2 large trash bags full of clothes. I do NOT know how I accumulated so much clothing. I know Matt Hack is laughing cause I do recognize I have issues buying clothing when we do anything. Yes we plan on going to NYC and I have to stop and buy a new outfit instead of wearing something I own. Retarded but fun . So anyway I have moved my exercise equipment out from under the clothing and am have started again.

When I started this over a year ago I was in, for me good health. Things went downhill. My shoulder surgery prevented me from doing anything which was limited to begin with. I tried to make a comeback in April I think but I failed. No excuses, no reason just let it go. I fell into a funk but now I am back. I do not know why I fall into these dark patches but I do. I know I am in love and it is maddening to know that he doesn’t love me. I know and believe he cares about me but he can’t love me I accept that but people can’t help how they feel.

Another issue is people talking to me unsolicited, shut up. You are sitting here right now talking and I am not replying. You ask me what is wrong, nothing is wrong except your voice. Shut up. There is no nice way to say it so I can’t. It would crush this person if I told them I DO NOT WANT TO TALK right now and I have no idea what you are rambling on about so…shut up.

So I got up had my protein shake and went to work on the bike. I started slow. 15 minutes while watching Kitchen Nightmares. I love Gordon Ramsey. He should be a judge on every reality show. I did 50 each arm with the 10 pound weight. and 25 sit ups. I am burnt out which shows the half ass attempts I keep making are worse then just doing an hour of exercise a day.

Now…to stop drinking beer. RB ily

Wood

To pissed for witty title. 5/16/11

mattlosesweight — Mon, 16 May 2011 21:19:16 +0000

Had my shake and a pro active diet yogurt for a total of 220 Calories for lunch. I am tired of taking a handful of pills and vitamins. I do not know why that bothers me the most since it takes about 25 seconds to do but meh.

I woke up really still today. You got jokes? Go for it. I stretched to warm up THESE FUCKING DOGS WON’T SHUT UP. I went right into rotating my arms. 30 in each direction. I touched my toes, well bent over with the intention of touching my toes 25 times and did 30 squats. I rode the bike for 15 minutes. I intend to ride for 15 minutes later in the evening as well as do a bit of lifting but I think I am just to stiff atm. I fell asleep with the fan on and the temp dropped overnight so I reckon that is why.

Our next show Burger King of the Ring seems like it is going to be HUGE. I am excited. Add us on Facebook if you haven’t http://www.facebook.com/interspecieswrestling

Emotionally I was great when I woke up but like most of my days (exaggeration) it went to shit. My 13 year old niece lives with us. Her mother is a piece of shit and I am happy to have her here but FUCK I buy her a laptop for Christmas and now it is not working. I buy a netpad and BAM I had to set it back to factory settings because I could not sort out what she did. I have been paying for a cell phone no…a SMARTphone for nearly two years come to find out it hasn’t worked in months. Why was I still paying this bill! Then to top it off last week she asked to use MY BRAND FUCKING NEW digital cam that I hadn’t even used before last week for yearbook. I said yes. Friday I asked for it because I was SUPPOSED to go to a wrestling show Saturday so she said well I never took it to school it is in the draw downstairs. I asked why she left it downstairs she shrugged it off. I didn’t really care because it wasn’t really an issue till today. Yeah went and grabbed it because I have some new amazing Red Sox shit and Fine China to list on ebay and BAM it didn’t work. Well I changed the batteries. Nothing. Went and got 100% unopened batteries and still nothing. WHAT IS IT WITH HER AND ELECTRONICS. For fuck sakes. I am at a loss. I will never buy her anything that runs on electricity again god forbid cars are run on electricity by the time she graduates, she is screwed.

Still in love with him. Why talk about it this has just become a silly outlet to express silly schoolyard feelings and right now I am more pissed about electronics.

Matt

Shit Day – 4/11/11

mattlosesweight — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 21:13:37 +0000

So I woke up ready to go. I did about 10 minutes on the bike before breaking. I had a cup and a half of beef stew, it was a craving what can I do. I sat down after heating it up to see my phone had messages as well as messages on AIM. It seems that Alex Whybrow known to most people as Larry Sweet and Sour Sweeney died either late last night or this morning. It was speculated that he either O.D.’d or committed suicide. It was one of those weird kick to the heads but it was about to get worse.

I ate and got back on my bike to work out some frustration. Larry Sweeney was it for me. He was Chikara for me for years. He was ROH for me. Sadly he went through a dark phase in his life because he was bi-polar in 2009 but he had made a come back and I was looking forward to seeing him working with him and watching him. In the wrestling business there are three types of people in my opinion. Entertainers with limited skill. Great technical wrestlers with little mic skills and then people like Larry, he had both. He was a great worker and entertainer.

More then that he was a nice guy. We had known each other by sight for a few years. I had seen him a few times during my travels with Matt Hack who introduced me to both ROH and Chikara. But little did I know Sweeney was a HUGE Akeem the African Dream mark like I was. We bonded. It was at this point he would email me and actually use my first name. He was a great guy some one you could sit for hours on end and listen to both about his personal life, the business or a dead bird in the driveway. He would make it a great story.

Piggybacked on the loss of Phrank last week from cancer I am in a shitty spot right now. I know and accept they are both free from pain and demons that some people are cursed with. One physical and one mental both gone to soon. And yes as I said I was made to feel worse when it was revealed that Larry hung himself. This just leaves us all wondering if we could have done or said something but I accept that he was sick and I move forward. My friend Matt Ryan is crushed and is trying not to cry, I encourage you all to cry. I am sure Matt and Ben will have something ready for the show tomorrow that will reduce me to tears. So cry because having known Larry he valued his fans so the cry is worth it. Do not be embarrassed just do a little strut and remember you knew some one 12 Large Brother.

EdWood

Whew heat is back – 8/29/10

mattlosesweight — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:00:28 +0000

Yes 4 days of 90 degree heat. I personally like Fall (Autumn) I cannot stand the heat or the Sun. Sometimes I wish I was immortal just so that I will be able to see that damn thing burnout. Speaking of burn out I rode the bike for 20 minutes today for a total of just over 200 calories. I used my resistance band for a little bit but it was painful so it was limited.

My diet habits have slipped I am working on getting it back in order. It hasn’t been anything excessive but enough to annoy me after I do it.

Physically I feel really crappy, not because of the work out but because my general areas of pain have been acting up lately and I have been waking up really sore. Maybe it is time for a new mattress. I have my surgery September 10th and my activities will be limited. My biggest show will be this coming Saturday I am stoked!

Emotionally, I am fucked. I sit awake all night thinking how interesting it is that I do so well masking my feelings but have no issue writing about them in this blog. I never ask for sympathy, just because I’m in misery but I reckon it isn’t asking to much to send me some one to love.

Matt

Early Workout – 8/23/10

mattlosesweight — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 16:35:44 +0000

Decided to work out early today since it is cool and I had nothing to do anyway. I have not eaten yet which is probably silly but my work out was the most intense it has been in a long time I am finally fully back on track.

20 minutes of cardio (bike) put me over the “fuck I am sore” point so I cut it short at 20 minutes and little over 200 calories burned. I did 20 lifts of the 50 pound (23 kilo) off the ground for each arm. I did 7 reps of 10 for a total of 70 curls on each arm (I did 5 extra on my left since it is my weaker arm). I did 100 “strokes” I guess we will call them on the row boat thingy. 20 on each arm with the resistance band and finally 30 proper sit ups using the ab-rocket. All and all it was intense and went about 45 minutes all up. I will more hten likely continue my cardio later on today.

I did some shit my doctor told me not to and yes it caused me pain but I decided late last night that I have started to use that as an excuse and that I will work through it. I also redirected my anger into the work out.

I don’t even want to go into my emotional bullshit this right up I am even tired of reading it.

Matt

Rainy Day – 8/22/10

mattlosesweight — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:44:41 +0000

It has been raining for over 12 hours. I have a love/hate relationship with the rain. I did not work out today and I had an ice cream BUT I did work out yesterday which is my normal day off. I had steak and baked potato for dinner with some corn and onions. I have been drinking sodium free club soda for days now.

I am down, family things. Love things, yes I still can’t kick those loving feelings and missing him. And general pain issues. I reckon I hate my brother and sister for having children because they are what keep me going everyday. WOW that sentence was awful. Anyway it is just s hit day, shit situation. Lawyers and bank tomorrow, yes I lead the fun life.

Matt

Sweay fat guy – 8/20/10

mattlosesweight — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 17:05:09 +0000

Whew 20 minutes of biking and a walk to get my numbers has put me in a sweat. It prolly doesn’t help that I do not feel good and think i am coming down with something but I decided to press on with my work-pout. Yes I said pout. I cracked myself up when I was thinking about how I was riding and pouting about only losing one pound over the past few weeks. I was at the doctors yesterday for my pre-surgery physical and she clearly thinks it is due to muscle mass of course I think she is insane.

I have been alternating between a bowl of cornflakes/special K and my shake to help with some of the cravings I have been having. Measuring out a cup and a half of cereal and then eating it in basically one spoon is pretty fun.

My shoulder is screwing up my sleep and I haven’t felt well these past few days. I am producing the biggest wrestling show to hit Connecticut EVER September 4th at the same time I am exhausted because of it. I am on an emotional roller coaster and have decided that a relationship is just not something I can sustain at this time. I do not mind not having a partner and my last crush as a person has set the bar to high so I need time to work through that because it will not be fair to the next person to compare, and I would. I am exciting some one I do like is coming to the show but I reckon he is a tease .

As Always,

Mattie

Singing along 8/15/10

mattlosesweight — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:54:55 +0000

Sorry for the random updates the blog should be my focus and it hasn’t been for a few days. As you can guess I have been bummed BUT I have been working out. I did 30 minutes of biking yesterday which left me exhausted. I also had my shake and a salad with only two slices of pizza for dinner. Over all I had a great day yesterday. Physically I haven’t been this bad in weeks. I have hit a wall as you know and I am trying to work through it. I think I will fast one day this week. I have not worked out today yet but I intend to to try to break this wall. Emotionally I am suffering. I am just drained I guess. I have the biggest ISW show coming up soon. I finally had the chat with that one person who I love and care deeply for and while I have long known it would never go anywhere having to type it out forced me to acknowledge it and that just plain sucks. I sometimes wish I could sleep all day and all night like a coma. I would think that would be the best way to live. See when night falls I am cast under his spell in my dreams but then daylight breaks and my emotions go to hell. It is just the kindness in his eyes that enslaves me but the fault is mine once again I have fallen into the silly trap I am well know for, falling in love with people who can’t love me like I love them and that my friends is the bane of my existence. Perhaps I will wait for Jake to get home and try that again.

JUST KIDDING!

Love,

Matt

Kicking MY Own Ass – 8/13/10

mattlosesweight — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 01:23:04 +0000

Fucking been bummed all day. Depressed, sad emo fuck it all and I have been snacking against my new eating habits falling into old ones. Fuck this shit really hard.

Matt

If I had hair I would cut it emo – 8/10/10

mattlosesweight — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 21:58:40 +0000

Doctor’s was uneventful today. Surgery is scheduled for September 10. I have been really down lately. Oddly enough an old friend had me laughing my ass off this morning since I couldn’t sleep. Work out was limited to 20 minutes on the bike. I am really excited about our main event for our September show and can finally talk about it. A 6 MAN CAGE MATCH! I am stoked.

I need a new battery for my scale.

Matt